Between the holidays and the twins’ birthday and finishing the writing and starting the editing of Reclaiming Hope, I’ve been crazy busy and haven’t checked in here for a while. I’m still crazy busy, but I think I’ve accepted I always will be forever.
Anyone who follows me on Facebook might have seen that I cut my hair recently. Like… really cut it. Chopped it all off. Though I asked her to cut it short and showed her a picture, the hair dresser took it an inch or two shorter than I requested, but when you only have an inch of hair left in some spots… an inch makes a big difference! If anyone wants a visual of what my hair is SUPPOSED to look like… ta da!!!!
JLAW AND I ARE SUPPOSED TO BE TWINSIES.
Alas… it wasn’t meant to be and we are not. Instead, it’s closer to Ginny’s hair as pictured below, which is super cute on her.
I SWEAR THIS IS GOING SOMEWHERE… stick with me.
It’s taking me some time to get used to the haircut. Not only just because it’s a big change from what I’ve always had but….. there’s absolutely, positively zero ways for me to hide my face now. Which would be fine if I walked around all the time looking like either one of those two beautiful women!
Nope… Instead, I walk around looking like this…
No lie… every time I see myself in the mirror, I’m taken aback by the look on my face. WHY AM I SO PISSED OFF???? IDK! I THOUGHT I WAS HAPPY.
As someone who is naturally shy and content to hide in the shadows, it’s been a struggle to simply adult these past few days. I know it sounds silly, and my poor husband probably thinks I’m a lunatic… or more of one than he already thought, because I literally didn’t want to leave the house Saturday. Maybe part of it was because I didn’t love the cut, but a big part of it was because I have never felt so exposed. I had no way to avoid people’s gaze and when I look down at the ground, there’s no veil of hair to protect me from the outside.
I’m sure you can all guess what happened…. I went out Saturday and no one even noticed I’d cut my hair. HAHAHAHAHAHA! GUESS THE WORLD DOESN’T REVOLVE AROUND ME AFTER ALL.
But seriously… my RBF isn’t new to me, but with nothing left to hide behind, I guess I’m much more aware of it. Though I don’t consider myself a vain person (I haz no problems going to the store in sweats and no make up) I’m so much more self-aware of how I look now. I don’t want the random woman at the grocery store to think I’m plotting twenty-six different ways to murder her and bury the body where no one will ever find it. And I wish I were exaggerating just a little bit with that visual….
So, maybe there wasn’t a point to this post. If you want to glean some hint of wisdom, it would be that it’s nearly impossible to judge a book by it’s cover. I’m certain I inadvertently put people off because of the way I present myself to the world. Hell, I’d never approach someone who had my constant death glare! But inside I’m really just immensely socially awkward and freaking out and yeah, maybe I’m wishing I weren’t there but I promise it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me thinking I’d be better off running through the glass wall across the room than having a chance at carrying on a normal conversation with you. Will I start reaching out to people who have the RBF?????? Uh.. no. Please to be rereading the part about socially awkward and immensely shy.
BUT, after this inadvertent social experiment, I’m making an effort to stop looking as if I want to kill you and every member of your family.
SUCCESS! (tho it’s hard not to smile around her!)
If you made it this far, hope you all have a fabulous week! ❤